classmate response #2 make-up (week of January 23)

Today, I am responsed to Joshua West's Lincoln Park Poem.

Here goes nothing:

 

Rapunzel retrieved her hair,

But it was too late,

This man was a track and field superstar.

Scaling the vertical challenge with candor and ease,

Porthole unbolt with jewel thief precision.

A banshee, he was upon Rapunzel without little sound.

Her eventual shriek stifled by chloroform dreams from handkerchief-ed hands.

(Baby wails)

Panic-the castle erupts in light, the guard bell roars. Rapunzel’s brother busts through-too late.

No console for the prince. Gold exchanged, ransom paid, dark prevails.

 

First of all, I love how you made the sister Rapunzel. So, I enjoyed how in the first stanza, the lines get longer with each one, It makes me think of the intruder getting higher up the building's wall. The comparions like "jewel thief percision" and "track and field superstar" help me visualize the intruder. My favorite line is "Her eventual shriek stifled by chloroform dreams from handkerchief-ed hands." I think there needs to be more added at the end of this poem, the reader is kind of left hanging. Overall, excellent poem, just add a bit more to it and you have got it.